Separation
“It’s just not working, but separating feels overwhelming - we don’t know where to begin.”
“It’s hard to admit, but we both want to go our separate ways.”
“We want this separation to be as painless as possible - for us and for the kids”.
“Before we make the final decision, I need to understand how we got here.”
the pain of separation
Sometimes relationships don’t work out and there comes a moment where partners decide it’s time to separate.
This process can extremely painful and the couple is faced with so many different layers to address: the emotional pain, the fear of what’s ahead, the unresolved issues of the past, the tremendous sense of loss, the guilt…
And of course, there are logistics to figure out: the more your lives are intertwined, the more difficult it is to districate them from one another: the home, the children, the pets, the possessions, the finances, visas and work permits….
COUNSELLING THROUGH SEPARATION
Though you may be wishing you could manage this with grace and mutual respect, it can all feel overwhelming and emotions might get the better of you, making it difficult to manage any conflict that may arise.
Couples counseling can help in this process by creating a safe space where you can address the complexities of a separation.
An experienced “third person” can lead the conversations between the two of you can help you navigate this complex and often painful process peacefully and amicably, in a way that can help you both experience personal growth and greater understanding.
Should we separate?
Sometimes the couple is unsure whether they want to separate or not, or the two partners may not be on the same page.
That’s ok. The therapy space can be an opportunity to explore different options and allow each partner to express their needs, fears and wishes for their future.
What we’ll work on
When a couple comes in for support in separating, we focus on the different aspects of the process of separation, including:
Managing emotions: sometimes it can be difficult to communicate with one another without emotions flaring up and highjacking the conversation, especially when certain topics are touched. Through our sessions I can give you tools to manage any challenging emotions that emerge, giving you the opportunity to problem-solve the “next steps” together.
Strengthening empathy and compassion: in order to separate peacefully and with respect, it is important to cultivate an understanding of what the other person is going through, while also feeling that your own needs and emotions are being taken into consideration.
Developing a clear narrative: when a couple separates, there can be two very different narratives about why the separation occurred, leading to conflict, resentment and confusion. A clear and shared narrative can help you understand how you got to where you got, acknowledge the good parts of the relationship and take responsibility for what did not work out.
Building confidence for the future: separations can leave people feeling scared about what’s ahead. Counseling through a separation can help you both focus on your respective strengths and resilience to manage the next phases of your lives.
Cross-Cultural support: how people experience a separation is very personal, but it can also be influenced by culture, norms, expectations and legal aspetcts. All these can and should be taken into consideration during the saparation process.
Impact of loss or trauma: if the separation is the outcome of a significant loss or a traumatic event, it will be important to acknowledge this and set in place any support that may be needed.
FIND OUT MORE
Read about my other specialty areas and my approach to Couples Therapy here.
If you’re interested in starting therapy make sure look at my FAQ page and Fees Page.
If you’d like to work with me, be sure to check my availabilities at the top of the contact page.
You can also find me on Instagram or LinkedIn, where I mostly post content related to ecopsychology in Italy.